**this piece was originally published on neverbalanced.com on September 28, 2012**
My husband and I were recently joking around. He can tend to be a pessimist at times which he fully acknowledges. I told him that he never showed that trait until we got married. He laughed and told me that before we married I just did not see it because I had my “love goggles” on. I laughed and then thought. I thought about how many married women (myself included) complain about their husbands changing after saying “I do”. Have they in fact changed or did we just have our “love goggles” on before we got married? I think it may be a little of both.
I agree before we married I did have “love goggles” on. I saw only the best qualities in this wonderful man that I just knew I would be spending the rest of my life with. I honestly can not remember noticing any irritating qualities in him before that magical day. However, after that day I noticed that my dear husband tends to think the negative at times, drag out stories, and gets easily distracted by the TV no matter what might be on. It would be crazy to think that a 38- year old man just started doing these things three years ago. They had to have been there all the time but I was looking through the “love goggles” and did not notice them.
These goggles distort the image we have of the one we are in love with and hope to spend the rest of our lives with. We only see the perfect mate that we want to see. Do not get me wrong. I love my husband with all of my heart. He is the love of my life, but he does have qualities that irritate me. I just do not understand why we chose not to see certain things, that are right in front of us because we are in love. If they did not irritate me then, why do I allow them to irritate me now? The answer I came up with is a simple one…. I took off my “love goggles”. I did not take them off knowingly, there was just a point when they came off.
As young women when we think of our “boyfriend” or “fiance” we see this wonderful man that has the ability to make our hearts flutter and our knees weak. Then we marry and the fiance is now our husband. Over time when we think of our “husband” we see this man that sits on the couch and watches TV, a man that comes home from work gives you a quick peck on the lips and simply asks, “whats for dinner?”. We then get frustrated with this man and complain that he has changed. I know my husband may not be as romantic as he was when were were dating or during our engagement. But I did not fall in love with him because of the things he did, I fell in love with him because of the person he was (which he still is).